Going blank

“How are you, really?” “How did you handle it the last time you had the same scenario?”

“What ways have you considered to get through this?”

“What have you tried?”

“What lessons did you learn the last time?” “What would you do differently today?”

I asked a friend these questions to in the past. At other times, my friends also asked me these questions when I mentioned something I struggled with.

You or the person just went emotionless then slowly muttered, “My mind is blank” The voice was very low and one could barely heard it. Does this sound familiar? It sure does to me.

It was like a deer caught in a car’s headlights.

Goals

How would you like to be in x months? What changes do you imagine happen then? What would you feel about yourself by then? How would feel when you have good energy in you? How would you see yourself enjoying work and home life at that point?

Zooming out in a distant horizon, let the imagination go. Paint the picture, smell the air & feel the touches on your fingers. Make the image feel tangible and real.

Reality check

Can you tell me more about your state of mind? How often do you feel that way in the past 2 weeks? How did your body feel? How do you sleep? How is your emotional energy? What about your physical and spiritual energy? What matters the most to you in reaching the goal? What event/choices had led to this event now? What is limiting you in listing more alternatives?

These may be a good list of findings on the current state — to check in, to explore a deeper layer. It is also very good to know why this goal is important to you or the person. There may be more clues to reveal more layers and see how it affects a person if the goal is not reached.

Options

What actions have you considered? What else come up if you have all the resources you need? What if you can change X? What have you seen others do that may help you? What if you move the timeline? What if we list the people who can help you?

Let’s list 5 options. What if you can take the power to choose?

Listing the options can be costly. It can be slow & tedious. The grind somehow eventually lets the mind loosen up and show the options to us. Getting the space and room to explore them is liberating. It means we let go of the “naysayers” in us and let them sit on the bench. Then we have a free rein to explore the space to change.

Will

Which option would you choose? Which action do you want to take, when will you commit to do it? If you would pick 3 options, which will you pick? Which action do you want to start in the next 7 days? Are there any obstacles that we should dive deep? How do we get around them? How likely, ranking from 1 to 10, will you do that action? How do we move it from 6 to 7?

Here is where one checks in with oneself.

Be honest. Being honest means slowing down and commit to having the will to make the change.

Deep breaths, nodding to myself, checking in the tension in my neck, then say, “F*** it, I can do this.”

I headed out to the sanity check — to help making the changes I wish to see.